DR. MUSTACHE SAYS, "ARGYLE SOCKS CAUSE PREGNANCY"

EXTRA! EXTRA!  READ ALL ABOUT IT!

WOMEN ARE TURNING TO ARGYLE SOCKS IN GROVES ACROSS THE WORLD FOR…..

FERTILITY TREATMENT?

     It’s true!  Studies from several universities around the world are just now being released and the results are stunning.  The initial data point to the fact that women who wear ARGYLE socks have a 47% better chance of getting pregnant and men donning ARGYLE and HARLEQUIN socks have a 59% better chance of participating in this event than those counterparts who wear plain white, brown, black and blue socks.

But why, I wondered, so I cornered the lead researcher, Hans Von Mustache. 

 

“Mr. Mustache.  How can it be true that Argyle Socks increase fertility in men and women?”

“Please, it's Dr. Mustache, and to answer your question, it just is.  I mean, we didn’t know what we were uncovering until two-thirds of our own female researchers were six months pregnant.  We needed to find out what was causing this.”

“And where did that lead your research, Dr. Mustache?”

“It got messy, but it was worth it.  What we discovered was that we ended up having to connect the dots between what the common link is between MODERN, FUNKY,COLORFUL AND FUN ARGYLE dress socks, the Scottish Kilt, war and then finally connecting all of that with fertility.”

“And what did you come up with?”

“All of the testing was new and up and coming.  Staying abreast of the newest testing procedures was tense and toe curling at times.  That was the biggest challenge.  We all were outside of our comfort levels at some point during the research.  But, after dissecting this question into several pieces, socially, historically and across the major economic lines, we came to realize, it’s all in the diamond of the argyle sock, or what was originally referred to as the lozenge."

"The lozenge?  Diamond?"

"Yes, there is magical fertility powers inside the shape of the diamond of the argyle sock."

"Fascinating, Dr. Mustache.  You had researchers testing around the world.  Was there any difference between, say, the United States and Australia?"

"The variance from country to country was minuscule.  We put our hypotheses to the test and traveled through the Amazon Rain forest  and performed a year long test between two tribes.  We fitted argyle socks on the men and women in one tribe and then the tribe just across the river, we fitted with brown socks.  The results confirmed our hypotheses into a fact.  'Argyle socks increase fertility in men and women.' Over the next twelve months, the tribe wearing the argyle socks increased in population by over 50% of that of the tribe wearing brown socks.”

“That is phenomenal.  Now, most people attribute the population boom in the 1930’s and the 1940’s in the United States to WWI and WWII.  Has this study altered that consensus?”

“We are looking into it, but one thing is certain, ARGYLE SOCKS were very popular in the United States in the 30’s and ‘40’s, so we believe there is a connection.  Additionally, we also are looking into the idea that the roaring '20's was the result of one thing, ARGYLE SOCKS.  We think that prohibition would have stuck if not for the lozenge designed sock.  On a more grandiose level, we believe the lozenge of the ARGYLE SOCK and world peace have direct links to one another.  That's our main goal with all of our research.”

To be continued….

Stay tuned for the next issue where the truth Leaks out about Dr. Love Mustache.
For previous episodes, please click here: http://www.socks2beyou.blogspot.com/
 

Until then, B Funky and B You!  www.Socks2BeYou.com